Well I guess I'm gonnna start this depressing amount of drivel with a brief recap of my life since about oh say decemeber.

My finances went in the hole just in time for my car to smack into a fence and pretty much spiral into the same hole my finances went into. With both my finances going south and my car slowly going broke my relationship eventually decided to follow suit. From there I had the fun task of rebuilding my life.

I got a job, and am about to buy a new car. And yet, now that it's confimred that the love of my life has decided to yank my heart out and throw it off a cliff; I find myself wondering if my life is really worth rebuilding. That's right, if you haven't heard, Ashley called it off officially. I really thought our bond was stronger than it was, but I guess I really should have seen it coming. I've gotten my check book back in the black, and my car will more than likely be replaced with a 2007 Yaris tomorrow. That just leaves one aspect of my life to recapture; a companion. Honestly though, this is where I'm having the most trouble. Every time I look through the personal ads i find myself finding the littlest reason to just not respond, even with the ads that I know had I never met Ash I'd be all over trying to get with. I don't know why. I know it's not healthy, but I don't think I'll ever get over her, and not sure I want to. I don't regret our relationship a bit. It just hurts so much because I can see her in everything I do and everywhere I go.

I know I want someone to share my life with; but the more I try to find someone the less capable I seem to be able to do that.

I think it's kinda funny, I had everything, and even though I'm innocent of the crime I was persecuted it's ended up feeling that my my work is ulimately meaningless, my education is a farce and my desires are empty; this ultimately means my life is empty. I thought the innocent weren't supposed be punished. Why am I always wrong?

The cold facts are this, I'm lost and have no idea where to turn. I feel like the shell of some locust. I want to be full yet, it doesn't seem like that's possible so,I guess I'll just learn to be lonely.